Of Absences and Employment

First of all I have to apologise for being away so long! I have been meaning to take outfit photos and write posts, but working 7 days a week (even if those work days are short) was far less manageable than I had hoped.

I started my new jobs on my 24th birthday (in April) and other than 1 week of annual leave (when I traveled to Yorkshire to visit my mum and go to a meeting with a fellow academic) I have been working every day since. It was tiring, never having any down time, always having to get up to an alarm, getting buses every day (sometimes 2 buses or a bus and a train in each direction). I have a confession to make, I started grabbing clothes pretty much at random from the clean washing pile (thank you so much Ash for keeping on top of the washing), thinking only of how weather appropriate they were and feeling pampered if I managed to find time to shave my legs once a fortnight!

I used a lot of my time in the evenings to fill in job applications and do research for the local history group and tried to stay on top of my PhD reading on quiet days at work. Luckily for me, the job applications have paid off and I've landed another part-time museum job! But 'Wait!' I hear you cry, 'How does having MORE jobs help? Wasn't 3 enough?!'. The new job is only two days a week but the museum has longer opening hours, so I do 15 hours over 2 days. This means I can cut down to 6 days a week, and eventually down to 5 days a week (I'm needed more during the summer holidays). Hallelujah! Also this job isn't seasonal so I won't be completely unemployed in November!! I also have an interview in September for a paid internship which would be a big step forward in my career =]

I celebrated my first real day off yesterday (Sundays are my new day off) by lounging around in bed for hours, watching bad TV and FINALLY putting my clean washing away. Such luxury. I even planned an outfit for today =]

Here's the outfit:

I was working with the local history group this morning, and they are completely used to my odd clothes, so I could dress how I liked.

I forgot my camera so please excuse the phone camera pics. The light in my room at dad's isn't great either. Do you like my glow in the dark skeleton friend? I have 3 on different mirrors around my room =]

What I'm Wearing:
Leggings: Carousel Ink on Etsy (reducing to $25 due to one leg being an inch shorter than the other)
Bloomers: Bodyline £11.65 (yen trick + free shipping sale)
Blouse: Miss Selfridge via charity shop £4.50
Waistcoat: Dorothy Perkins via charity shop - I've lost track of what I paid for each faintly identical black waistcoat but it was probably around £3
Boots: New Look £20
Pentagram Necklace: Alchemy Gothic, present from my brother
Poison Bottle Necklace: Claire's accessories, present from my friend Bethany

Feels so good to look and feel more like myself again. Also I tidied my room at dad's as well so I now have order and serenity wherever I stay! The photos were taken after I found the floor under the piles of paper but before I put my 'bedtime reading' stack of books back on the shelf! What do you like to do on your days off  to pamper yourself?

I hope you are glad to see me back, I've missed reading all your blogs! I promise it won't be as long before my next post!!

Of self-doubt and looking for the courage to reach out for my dreams

Here's a wonderful Sylvia Plath quote from The Bell Jar:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
This explains very well how I feel about life right now. All of my figs contain the same lifestyle (with a home and books and nice clothes and enough to eat) and relationship (with Ash), but the way of supporting myself financially in each is different. I'm scared to reach out for the fig I want though, just in case it's a figment (pun very much intended) of my imagination, and my fingers pass through as though it was as insubstantial as smoke. The fig I had intended to pick fell to the ground long before I was tall enough to reach it.
My new dream is a reaction to finding out that the 'safe' academic job I had envisagedprobably got axed in university cut-backs somewhere around the time I started my degree (hence the fallen fig), because I began my degree in 2008, just as the recession hit. This new dream might be an entirely unrealistic one, but it's impossible to tell, because no-one has tried it yet. I'd be a pioneer and that's scary. It would take a great deal of commitment, faith and hard-work.

I want to finish my PhD. I want to make a living for myself as a freelance historian and cemetery researcher. I want to market myself via a blog and social media and all the other wonders of the interneet, and raise awareness about the plight of historic cemeteries. I want to raise funds for restoration projects I could be employed in. I want to get involved with cemetery trusts/friends groups and preservation societies. I want to do genealogy research and local history projects. I want to take a Master's course in Human Osteology and work on rescue archaeology projects like crypt clearances. I want to do archival research or digitisation of cemetery records. I want to curate museum exhibits or exhibitions about funerary practice.
I WANT TO DO ALL OF THESE THINGS. Or at least as many are humanly possible! Can someone find me 3 extra hours in the day? Or the secret to immortality?

In some ways I've already taken the first steps on this road and that should give me more faith in myself, but there are days when I can't ever believe that I will finish my PhD, let alone get a job in a related field! Most days the idea of doing free-lance work of any kind fills me with so much dread that I just want to go back to bed and hide! What if I end up sponging off Ash and my parents for another 5 years because I can't support myself?

But I have to try, don't I?

It's that or give up on my PhD right now, before I waste another penny and go and get a full time soul-crushing office job...

I'm not going to lie, some days that seems like a very attractive option, especially when I feel like the fact I'm currently on a leave of absence is a sign of weakness and proves 'I can't hack academia', but then one of my friends reminded me that the last time I took a break from education was before I started school when I was 4, and that during my degree I didn't even take a proper holiday (I worked during all of them), and I felt a bit less guilty.

It's all a haze and whirl of emotion and self-doubt right now, but...

I've decided to try.

I'm posting this as a pre-emptive apology if my blog gets neglected over the next few months. I'll be busy trying to built a ladder up to the fig I'm dreaming of!

Of tomes and tombstones

I'm so sorry that I've been away for so long. I've been working on a chapter of my thesis and promised myself I wouldn't post on my blog again until it was done; partly as an incentive to finish and partly because I felt guilty writing about 'trivial' things when I had so much 'serious' writing to do!

I thought I'd be back in a couple of weeks, but this chapter has turned into a monster and consumed my life... It's about the theories from archaeology and other related disciplines I will be using to analyse my cemetery data; use of space, rituals, monuments and social identity. It's a huge area, and until I started I didn't realise how poor my knowledge was, so the chapter ended up being a 'everything I learned about this from reading 20 books' kind of affair and it's now 14,000 words long... So you can see why it's taken me a while!I've still got some more work to do on it, and then edit the whole thing down, but I've broken the back of the work now, so I'm back.

I've also been on a 3 day Human Osteology course, so I could learn about human bone analysis on archaeological remains. It was fascinating! I am sorely  tempted to do a maser's in it now (Will I ever finish my education?!). The course was in Bournemouth, which is a really pretty seaside town, with a lovely cemetery. So as an apology for my long absence, here are some photos I took whilst wandering the paths and standing in the shade of the majestic monkey puzzle trees of Wimbourne Road Cemetery,  which is located on a road island called 'Cemetery Junction'. Asking for a bus ticket to Cemetery Junction made me so happy!

I am sad to have missed so many cool monthly themes like Hidden Bat Week, so I may be doing a some very late entries! I will also try to return to a normal posting schedule as soon as possible.

All in all, I'm so glad to be back! I'll try not to disappear again!

I'm so glad you didn't all desert me (and welcome to my new followers!). So in order to show my gratitude I'll be hosting another give-away when I get to 100 followers.

Computer says no...

This is just a quick post to let you all know that my beloved netbook, which has been a faithful friend to me for the last 4 and a half years, has departed this life. There is something wrong with the part that connects to the power supply, so it simply won't charge. I'm sure it could be repaired, but the last time I got it repaired (hinge replacement at the end of my 3rd year of uni) the repair cost more than the netbook was worth, and it's worth even less now! Also I know I'm getting a shiny new netbook for Christmas (thank you to my beautiful boyfriend!).

I'll try to post If I can borrow a computer but the number of posts between now and Christmas day might be very low so I'm apologising in advance! I'll still be able to read all your posts, and comments at work on my lunchbreaks, but I won't be able to reply (we only use internet explorer in the office, which isn't supported) so extra apologies for that!

So until I return I hope you are all well, keeping warm away from the bitter weather (or cool away from the sun, for those of you in the Southern Hemisphere!) and looking forward to the festive season!

Winter wanderings

This is just a quick post to warn you all that I'm going away this weekend. I'm off to Cardiff with my other half to do some more cemetery research =] I'll be studying Cathays Cemetery and I'll make sure to take lots of pretty pictures for you all! If I don't freeze to death that is. It's getting awfully cold to be meandering in graveyards, after this I might have to postpone further field-trips until March!

In the meantime here's a picture of some owls:

The one in the middle is called Ezio (OWLditore, can you tell my boyfriend loves Assassin's Creed? He came up with it and I thought it was genius) but I don't have names for the other 2 yet.

Suggestions anyone?

Trying times and looking to the future

I'm sorry that I've been away for so long, I've been going through some major changes  in my life and blogging wasn't the top of my priority list. Also certain posts on this blog remind me of things I want to forget right now.

I know that this isn't a personal blog, but I think I need to give you all at least a brief explanation for my absence and why certain images/text on this blog will be edited.

I just realised that in the last couple of months I have been lying to myself, with an increasing rate of failure. My relationship was poorly chosen and badly timed. I wanted Joe to be someone he wasn't and could never be, and the longer we spent together the more obvious it was that our dreams were not compatible. I was still in love with someone else; my ex boyfriend, the person my dreams for the future were tangled up with.

I'm ashamed of myself for making such bad choices and for hurting people in the process but I'm also very lucky; I have a second chance; my ex is recovering from his depression slowly and letting me into his life again. We are going to fight very hard to see past all the pain the last few months has caused us both and more forward.

I'm going to take a little more time away from my blog. I'll be back on the 1st October with many outfits for my winter theme of Magique Victorienne and other random posts about DIY, decor and cemeteries.

An unexpected holiday

I was planning to stay near home this weekend and party with some friends, but I have been given the chance to have a free weekend in London instead!

I'm going to a club night my cousin runs in Camden tonight called Ultimate Power (80's power ballads anyone?) and Slimelight again on Saturday =]. Also going to go shopping in Camden markets and maybe even get my ear's pierced! Yes I know 22 is a bit on the late side for my first piercing (how many goth points do I loose ? =P) but I used to get a lot of ear infections and so I never wanted to risk making them worse. My ears have been somewhat better in the last 6 months so I'm going to give it a go. Also to say that I am phobic of blood and needles...is a slight under-statement. I'm hoping to find somewhere willing to get 2 piercers (one on each ear) to do them at the same time, so that I can't back out after the pain of the first one! I think it'll be worth it. I'm sick of the world being full of pretty earrings I can't wear!

I have put my camera in my case so I promise lots of pictures, although maybe not any of the piercing process because I don't think anyone needs to see me fainted on the floor of a piercing parlour =P

I'll return to blogging on Monday to announce the winner of the give-away (so there's still time to comment if you'd like to enter!) and share stories from my weekend away! I hope you all have a lovely weekend!

Identity theft?

I was going to blog today but I've discovered that my blog is getting hits from an adult dating site... a very much not safe for work site...with 'sex pic of the day' and other such features!
I need to investigate but I suspect that someone is impersonating me or using my pictures!
I'm pretty upset because this is the sort of thing I never want to be associated with, and could possibly be damaging to my future and career.

Instead of blogging today I'm going to go through all my pictures and watermark them as a security measure.
I'll also probably organise some other things like my post labels whilst I'm going through my posts.

To be honest I'm a little at a loss as to why anyone would want to pretend to be me on a dating site, then link to a blog where I have pictures with my boyfriend....
I'm also befuddled as to why anyone would think pretending to be me would be a good way to attract people on the internet...

Sorry for this guys. I'll be back by the end of the week, with a pleasant suprise for you all =]

A Thousand Apologies

I'm really sorry that I've been away all week, I did mean to blog but I was house-sitting for a friend and looking after her cats. I couldn't get their wifi to work and I got very distracted by having these lovely cats to keep my company:

Meet Dinah:

Macavity:

Tybalt:

And Poppy:

I will be back to blogging as normal on Monday, but right now I'm going to go back to freaking out with delight over the New Sandman Announcement and planning an outfit for my night out with the girls tomorrow.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.

Bad timing...

I woke up this morning to find I'd completely lost my voice and have been coughing and spluttering all day. You'll have to forgive the lack of Goth in the Office picture because I felt too ill to take one. Sorry everyone!

Work is good do far though despite my illness and inability to communicate!

Hopefully I'll be better in the morning! I promise to take a picture no matter how I feel though.

Intermission

I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a short break from blogging. Never fear I'll be back next week for Red and Black week! I just need to take a few days to focus on my thesis and apply for some jobs (Ghost Tour Guiding anyone?).

See you all soon!

I might be gone some time...

Heya everyone, I'm sorry I've not been posting for a few days I'm having some technical difficulties (my laptop keeps turning itself off at random...).

I'm also pretty busy at the moment with uni fieldwork and my PhD upgrade panel is looming (argghhh)

Whilst I'm trying to get my computer problems fixed I'm going to be working on my blog ideas on paper.

As a stop-gap here's a little outfit post for you all. This is what I wore for the Post-Gradate colloquium at Uni last week. I cut my head out of the picture because I was having a really bad skin day!

What do you guys think? Professional enough? Too obviously 'spooky'? I'm trying to find something suitable to wear for my upgrade panel so that I can be taken seriously...

Return to civilisation...

I have been staying with my Mum in Filey, a little seaside town in Yorkshire.

Unfortunately this meant I just spent a week without internet.

I'm still traumatised.

I hope to recover from the shock of living in the dark ages (seriously I had forgotten how hard it is to write an essay without google!) and get back to blogging soon.

In the meantime here is a picture of Filey I took last summer when the weather was better!